Why Change Feels So Hard and How We Finally Make It Happen

Most of us decide again and again that we are finally going to make a change in our lives, but we rarely manage to follow through.
There are two main reasons for this.

The first is that changing our behavior is genuinely hard. The second is that we have not found the method that fits our own weak points.
Behavioral researcher Professor Katy Milkman suggests five strategies that help us create meaningful change.
Her encouraging message is that we all share the same obstacles on the way to change, and these obstacles are so human that we can even learn to appreciate them.

Laziness, procrastination, impulsiveness, insecurity, forgetfulness.
Anyone who has ever promised to exercise more, save money, or learn a new skill knows exactly how these barriers feel.
Instead of pushing ourselves harder, Milkman suggests focusing on understanding our weak points and working with them rather than against them.
There are no magic solutions.
Only personal ones.

In her book How to Change she offers tools based on years of research.
She explains that common advice does not always work because each of us needs a strategy that fits our internal patterns.
When we identify the specific barrier that stops us, we can break it down and respond in the right way. The first obstacle is impulsiveness.

We often choose short term pleasures over long term gains.
Milkman calls her solution a tempting bundle.
She created one for herself by letting herself listen to audiobooks she loved only during workouts. Research later showed that tempting bundles work because they reduce the pull of temptations and increase the time we spend on long term goals.

Examples of tempting bundles include drinking wine only while cooking at home or watching a favorite show only while folding laundry.
The second obstacle is procrastination.
When impulsiveness is solved with rewards, procrastination is solved with restrictions.
These are commitment devices that reduce our freedom in order to help us follow through.

Examples include promising to finish a report by a certain date or installing an app that blocks social media.
Some commitment devices are financial, such as a penalty if a goal is not met, while others rely on public declarations that create social pressure.
Research shows that people who declare their goals publicly are more likely to achieve them.
The third obstacle is forgetfulness.

It may sound like an excuse, but research shows that adults forget several things every day.
The best solution is to create action plans based on triggers, such as saying when this happens I will do this.
For example, instead of saying I will floss more, say every evening after brushing my teeth I will floss.
The fourth obstacle is laziness.

It sounds negative, but laziness can actually help us when we design smart default habits.
If the easy choice supports the goal, laziness becomes a strength.
Research shows that flexible habits such as allowing yourself to work out at different times of the day are more sustainable than rigid routines.
The fifth obstacle is low self confidence.

When we doubt ourselves we are less likely to move forward. Surprisingly, one of the most effective ways to build confidence is to advise others.
Giving advice creates a feeling of competence and increases belief in our own ability to change.
Milkman also explains that the best time for change is after any kind of fresh start.
It can be the beginning of a year, a birthday, a new job, a move to a new city, or any moment that feels like a clean page.

Fresh starts make us optimistic and help us leave past failures behind. Even if many people give up early, research shows that twenty percent of goals set at the beginning of the year do succeed. A beginning, even a small one, is already a step toward a different life.